it gets better or worse?

as i approach that day.. i feel more like an adult.. confronted by more and kickass daily crap and shits.. and then i feel like a child.. cause i don't know what's suppossed to be done.. what's the right move.. the right things to say or do.. it feels like shit.. it's as if i am swimming in this surreal world.. in some parallel universe.. or whatever... and i can't move.. i am confused.. i know where i want to go, where i want to be.. but i can't take that ass shit step forward.. i always step back.. and once again.. i am there... looking.. at what i've done.. analyzing.. always analyzing.. never making that right move.. the move that should have been taken.. a long time ago.. haay..