sugar coated tears. hiding the pain. =)

grinnin' and bearing it.
is this true????.. i wonder... am i so fuckin blinded????..it's so fuckin' goddamn sad... try hard i did... but i can't escape this... it still bothers me.. everyday.. every time it crosses my crazed mind.... it lingers in my system.. and it hurts like hell... i don't want to believe what i saw... but that's that... i saw it.. and i really really don't know what it's for.. what it's all about... it hurts...as hell.. and it hasn't stopped.. it fuckin confuses me.... what do i do... i feel so helpless right at this very moment.. i don't know why.. i hate being helpless...
must escape this feeling.. but how???